So I haven't blogged in a while because I like to live by the phrase if you haven't got anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. So I have not shared my frustrations about my back and downright depressing complications I have on an almost daily basis.
I got back to driving last week just in time to go to the dermatologist. She wanted to take a bigger biopsy of a mole she removed in February. So I drive there, stupid back hurting the whole way. I have my biopsy and go home. I didn't even think about it again until my phone rang Monday morning and I answered and it was the actual DR. So of course I knew something was up. She said "we got the results of your biopsy and it isn't good, it is melanoma and it is stage 2" So as that is sinking in she makes plans to come in on her vacation to remove it. So I am going today to have it removed. I am however thankful that it was caught early and if I have to have cancer it is one of the most survivable and curable. I do know that I am lucky to have found a wonderful doctor.
I know everything happens for a reason but this right now is just a little much! I know I will get through this just as I have gotten through everything else in this challenging year. I actually look forward to the end of 2011 cause 2012 HAS to be better for me.
So lesson learned here...ALWAYS wear sunscreen and avoid the sun when you can. My melanoma is in a spot that doesn't get a ton of sun but it doesn't hurt to be cautious....
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Just plain sick!
I am just plain sick of being in this bed. I am sick of watching life rather than being an active participant. Sure being waited on and watching all the tv shows I want while in a legal drug induced haze was fun for a moment I am now just plain sick of it!
I really wish I could go back and undo this surgery. I think really how much pain day to day was I in? It is stupid and counterproductive to think like that. What is done is done and I need to move forward. I am just stuck and feel like there is not enough Xanax in that little bottle to keep me sane while I heal the next 3 to 12 months!! This is what the urologist said! I see the neurosurgeon in 1.5 weeks. I didn't sign up for this and neither did my family and friends. I was told 6 weeks good as new. Leave it to my body to have a complication that is like less than 4% of ALL back surgeries!
I can't even begin to imagine what my husband has gone through. From the initial 6.5 hour surgery ( we were told it would be 3 hours) when no one even came and updated him to the scary night back in the hospital ER with me screaming for hours in pain while I was poked and prodded in a sad attempt to find a decent vein. This on the day he said his final goodbye to his grandma. He has been a wonderful nurse and has had to go so far above the call of duty as a husband I couldn't imagine being as strong and calm as he has been. Even now when I make him feel guilty for going back to work when we clearly need the money he remains strong and even tempered with me. I love him more than ever and am glad he is by my side to keep me from going insane.
Everyday I wake hoping to be better. I think I am slightly better my back does seem to be hurting less but it is the other complications I have had that are dragging me down. I am enjoying seeing my friends more often and look forward to their yummy food as do my children :) but I want to be done. I am not a patient person and I just want to get up, go to my kids school events ride a bike with them, just get back to being me.
Goal for tomorrow: make my own lunch :) I will take baby steps and hopefully look back on all of this time and think ok that wasn't so bad , yeah right :)
I really wish I could go back and undo this surgery. I think really how much pain day to day was I in? It is stupid and counterproductive to think like that. What is done is done and I need to move forward. I am just stuck and feel like there is not enough Xanax in that little bottle to keep me sane while I heal the next 3 to 12 months!! This is what the urologist said! I see the neurosurgeon in 1.5 weeks. I didn't sign up for this and neither did my family and friends. I was told 6 weeks good as new. Leave it to my body to have a complication that is like less than 4% of ALL back surgeries!
I can't even begin to imagine what my husband has gone through. From the initial 6.5 hour surgery ( we were told it would be 3 hours) when no one even came and updated him to the scary night back in the hospital ER with me screaming for hours in pain while I was poked and prodded in a sad attempt to find a decent vein. This on the day he said his final goodbye to his grandma. He has been a wonderful nurse and has had to go so far above the call of duty as a husband I couldn't imagine being as strong and calm as he has been. Even now when I make him feel guilty for going back to work when we clearly need the money he remains strong and even tempered with me. I love him more than ever and am glad he is by my side to keep me from going insane.
Everyday I wake hoping to be better. I think I am slightly better my back does seem to be hurting less but it is the other complications I have had that are dragging me down. I am enjoying seeing my friends more often and look forward to their yummy food as do my children :) but I want to be done. I am not a patient person and I just want to get up, go to my kids school events ride a bike with them, just get back to being me.
Goal for tomorrow: make my own lunch :) I will take baby steps and hopefully look back on all of this time and think ok that wasn't so bad , yeah right :)
Friday, April 8, 2011
Friends
When I look back on my 36 (OMG) I said it out loud years I think back on all the friends...from the very first ..PENNY!!! Who is still there occasionally to the last neighbor Nancy. I cant help but think what a valuable part they have all played in my life. I sat tonight with someone that knows all my family and knows the struggles I have with them and she offered an unbiased view of what I thought was a hopeless situation. I have also recently met some "friends FRIENDS" and it is almost like when you meet your child's friends and they are great....I am so happy these wonderful friends have great friends ( feels like everyone is taken care of) This is way to crazy happy rambling shiny happy people BS for me so I must say, If your my friend I love you! If your not sorry :)
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
AAAHHH Technology
So I reluctantly took a HUGE leap last week. I went from swearing up and down Verizon was not getting any extra money a month from me so I would not get a smartphone and especially not an iPhone.
This all started in January when my little LG Voyager that I love so well started to act up. I decided we were already paying to much so I started to look at other companies. We have no home phone so our cell phones are very important to us. Well I asked on Facebook I asked all my friends. I had one friend bring me her consumer reports on cell phones and plans. This was all consuming and becoming a full time job. Verizon started their teaser emails telling me I could be one of the first people to have an iPhone. I was not biting, I already pay them a hefty sum every month NO WAY were they getting an additional 30 for a data plan. Would I use it YES. Did I need it NO!
So in going back and fourth looking at companies one day husband says do we really need 2500 minutes?? Me: I dont know what do we use? Well our teenage son used 2 minutes last month! 2 (although he did use over 5000 texts) good thing thats unlimited. I used like 300 and husband used 300. He looked at the past year and saw that to be pretty average. Why were we paying for all those minutes. He figured if he dropped the plan down he could save about 30$ a month...Hmmm enough for a data plan.
So into Verizon I go. Still not knowing what I am going to get. Im looking at the droid at blackberry's and just plain phones. I finally mention iPhone and am taken over to a device that feels as familiar to me as my kids. I have a classic iPod 2 nanos we have an i pad and I am a MAC user. I really didnt have to look any further. It was always there in my mind I was meant to be with my iPhone.
It is amazing to me as i pods were when they first came out. There seems to be no limit to what I can do on the phone I am totally in LOVE with it. I can scan prescription medication and send the info to walgreens for a refill! Come on how cool is that. I love living in this day and age when TV's are flat and I can carry my whole life in one little package. God Bless Technology...LOL
Did I mention the plethora of Vegetarian Apps I have!!!
This all started in January when my little LG Voyager that I love so well started to act up. I decided we were already paying to much so I started to look at other companies. We have no home phone so our cell phones are very important to us. Well I asked on Facebook I asked all my friends. I had one friend bring me her consumer reports on cell phones and plans. This was all consuming and becoming a full time job. Verizon started their teaser emails telling me I could be one of the first people to have an iPhone. I was not biting, I already pay them a hefty sum every month NO WAY were they getting an additional 30 for a data plan. Would I use it YES. Did I need it NO!
So in going back and fourth looking at companies one day husband says do we really need 2500 minutes?? Me: I dont know what do we use? Well our teenage son used 2 minutes last month! 2 (although he did use over 5000 texts) good thing thats unlimited. I used like 300 and husband used 300. He looked at the past year and saw that to be pretty average. Why were we paying for all those minutes. He figured if he dropped the plan down he could save about 30$ a month...Hmmm enough for a data plan.
So into Verizon I go. Still not knowing what I am going to get. Im looking at the droid at blackberry's and just plain phones. I finally mention iPhone and am taken over to a device that feels as familiar to me as my kids. I have a classic iPod 2 nanos we have an i pad and I am a MAC user. I really didnt have to look any further. It was always there in my mind I was meant to be with my iPhone.
It is amazing to me as i pods were when they first came out. There seems to be no limit to what I can do on the phone I am totally in LOVE with it. I can scan prescription medication and send the info to walgreens for a refill! Come on how cool is that. I love living in this day and age when TV's are flat and I can carry my whole life in one little package. God Bless Technology...LOL
Did I mention the plethora of Vegetarian Apps I have!!!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Man is it HOT!!
Yes I do realize it is January and there is a ton of snow. I cant help it I am having one heck of a hot flash. After spending the evening under blankets freezing a switch flipped and it is like July in Jamaica! Now I do realize I just had a hysterectomy but, they left those little ovaries so they need to step up from their little shock when their friend got taken away and get back on the job.
Speaking of the surgery I have quickly become that person, you know the one that wants to tell you all the gory details and force you to have WAY more knowledge of the surgery than you have ever needed or wanted. For gods sake I accosted a friend that took time out of her life to come keep me company with my ugly belly button stitches! While her children looked on in horror! Yes being cooped up without much social interaction has made me that inappropriate friend. Or maybe I am just a little nutty until those little ovaries get back on the job. Either way if I ever want to have visitors I need to get a filter on my behavior and maybe flip on the air conditioner.
Speaking of the surgery I have quickly become that person, you know the one that wants to tell you all the gory details and force you to have WAY more knowledge of the surgery than you have ever needed or wanted. For gods sake I accosted a friend that took time out of her life to come keep me company with my ugly belly button stitches! While her children looked on in horror! Yes being cooped up without much social interaction has made me that inappropriate friend. Or maybe I am just a little nutty until those little ovaries get back on the job. Either way if I ever want to have visitors I need to get a filter on my behavior and maybe flip on the air conditioner.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Whats Eating me
So I have attempted to start blogging many times and just quit before I say anything important or earth shattering. Usually I dont like the format or lose the url. I obviously need more outlets to moan and complain and poor me my life. Since I am sure the people in real life do not want to hear it, I will unleash my negativity on the cyber-world. If people don't want to read they can click on to someones monthly what I am thankful for list. While I find these wonderful and uplifting to read (and I do read my friends) My family would laugh if I tried to do one because it would be I am thankful for my kids...blah blah and their ability to speak...So that they may scream and fight and yell I hate you at each other. See mine would be like a backhanded compliment. While I do truly consider myself blessed to have my healthy Kids and a husband who is faithful and hard working I feel these things go without saying and I need to express myself in other ways so I don't rage at someone and shoot them ( don't worry it would be a stranger not my lovely family) So beware this blog will not uplift you and give you meaningful things to ponder but it could make you laugh, if it annoys you move on to the next happy blog :)
So why the title Saving Earth one meal at a time. Because I truly believe in a direct correlation between the consumption of animals and animal products and the depletion of earths resources. Just do a little Google research on this (your on the computer anyway wasting time) and you will see this is correct. So The more animal free products I can incorporate into my family's life, the more I feel we are doing our part. Do I still drive a huge gas guzzling Suburban why yes I do. Ive gotta pick my battles people, I pick animals as mine. it is a struggle everyday to figure out what to feed my family. I try very hard to not eat any animal products. I have issues with lactose anyway so that isn't hard and just imagining rotting flesh in my body will make me not want to eat at all. Although I do often crave BDUBS. My family on the other hand LOVES their rotten flesh and cheeses and milk. Although I do have 1 child with Lactose issues so in an show of solidarity for the middle child we abstain from Milk and drink almond milk and eat soy ice cream at home. I just have a hard time cooking for us all because I want to exclude the meat and this is what they all crave and expect. I am gradually sneaking things into their food and they so far haven't complained...example veggie protein in the place of meat in chili and spaghetti sauces. Soy chicken nuggets when the kids want something processed and the new rule that they only have to finish their veggies never their meat or breads. So this is a daily struggle I will be complaining about quite often. Feel free to offer suggestions.
So far today i have been annoyance free so I don't have a fun story but stay tuned it is only noon this cant last all day :)
Disclaimer: No offense to any friends that write great blogs about all the great things in their life I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading them don't stop, It just wouldn't be me to write that way keep up the great work.
So why the title Saving Earth one meal at a time. Because I truly believe in a direct correlation between the consumption of animals and animal products and the depletion of earths resources. Just do a little Google research on this (your on the computer anyway wasting time) and you will see this is correct. So The more animal free products I can incorporate into my family's life, the more I feel we are doing our part. Do I still drive a huge gas guzzling Suburban why yes I do. Ive gotta pick my battles people, I pick animals as mine. it is a struggle everyday to figure out what to feed my family. I try very hard to not eat any animal products. I have issues with lactose anyway so that isn't hard and just imagining rotting flesh in my body will make me not want to eat at all. Although I do often crave BDUBS. My family on the other hand LOVES their rotten flesh and cheeses and milk. Although I do have 1 child with Lactose issues so in an show of solidarity for the middle child we abstain from Milk and drink almond milk and eat soy ice cream at home. I just have a hard time cooking for us all because I want to exclude the meat and this is what they all crave and expect. I am gradually sneaking things into their food and they so far haven't complained...example veggie protein in the place of meat in chili and spaghetti sauces. Soy chicken nuggets when the kids want something processed and the new rule that they only have to finish their veggies never their meat or breads. So this is a daily struggle I will be complaining about quite often. Feel free to offer suggestions.
So far today i have been annoyance free so I don't have a fun story but stay tuned it is only noon this cant last all day :)
Disclaimer: No offense to any friends that write great blogs about all the great things in their life I LOVE LOVE LOVE reading them don't stop, It just wouldn't be me to write that way keep up the great work.
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